I Can't Do This!

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33


When I had my first baby, I remember a particularly difficult point in the labor when I announced to the room “I CAN’T DO THIS!”. My doctor, who I had liked up until this point, looked me dead in the eye and said, “You get two ‘I can’ts’. That was one of them.”

I remember thinking how absolutely cruel that was. I was in pain and I wanted nothing more than for this to be over. But I forgot in that moment only I could do anything about the outcome. Short of surgery, I was the only one who could deliver this baby.

So many times, I desperately want to fix things for the girls we are working with and the girls who are living at the house. I want to jump into the middle of the situation and make everything better again. But now the roles are reversed - I can’t and only they can. Just like my doctor coached me through my pain and trauma, I can be a support system and a guide for them, but they must put in the hard work.

I am consistently impressed by the girls who have decided it is time to change their lifestyle and put in the hard work for a new outcome. I know it isn’t easy and I watch them stumble though learning how to make good choices for their lives.

I am consistently brokenhearted for the girls who are not yet willing to put in the hard work to change their outcomes. Sometimes it is because they are simply not ready. Sometimes it is because they don’t believe the outcome really can be changed. Sometimes, it is just because no one has been there to support them through hard things, and they don’t trust we will stick around either, so they don’t get their hopes up.

As I type this, I am looking at a list of names hanging on the wall above my computer screen. Each one comes with a story. Just running down the list I see stubbornness, brokenness, hope, pain, redemption, victory, commitment, striving, dishonesty, temptation, confusion, possibility. Above all though, I see Jesus. I see hope and victory; I see stories not yet over and prayers not yet answered. He is faithful!

In Christ,

Aaron and Elizabeth Kilby